it takes alot of courage to confess our sins. This self-awareness is God's blessing to you - GurParsaad.
Your desire to overcome this animal consciousness part of yourself - the five thieves is what is going to save you.
But its not easy, it will feel like you are taking two steps forward and one step backwards. Sometimes maybe one step
forward and two steps back, but the whole journey is about not giving up, to keep going forward.
Until we are BrahmGyani we all fail with the five thieves, but the BrahmGyani has given us a way to overcome this.
In the heat of the moment we succumb to the five thieves as you have described pushing your dad = krodh/anger, which is due to your haumai/ego. And watching those kind of moives is due to your Kaam/lust. So you couldn't stop yourself in the heat of the moment, which happens to all of us when the dhoots are strong and our discipline is low. but to overcome the damage we have done, we have the following steps:
Step 1) Becoming self aware to know which of the 5 thieves have just robbed us of our inner amrit.
Step 2) Confess to God-Guru-GurSangat (ccompany of the holy) as you have done - this humiliates our ego which then makes us feel small, and is the opposite of what ego wants us to do. Ego lives under the cover of darkness, it like to hide our sins under the
image and reputation we create in the world - look and talk good on the outside, but sinful on the inside. so Baba Ji said our deeds have to be naked, what we are on the inside has to be the same on the outside. So we have to keep exposing all of our sins in order for them to not obe able to overpower us, or make us feel guilty or make us into a hypocrite.
Step 3) You have to practically make up for the hurt and harm you have caused. By pushing your dad or using aggressive words, you have hurt God in His heart, the very God you are trying to please. So you have to apologize to your father and touch his feet.
It doesnt matter if are winning an argument with our parents if it causes pride and ego or anger in us, then actually we have lost, so just realise that and touch their feet right their and then.
Also put in some self controls to stop you getting into the situation where you know you will become angry or lustful. So dont use your computer in private for example, because you wouldnt watch those kind of images and movies if your family was sitting around you. Also avoid getting into those conversations with your dad that trigger you. when you notice you are getting annoyed, that is the time to take a deep breath, get up and go for a long walk to calm down.
Step 4) Forgive others for what they have done to you and most importantly forgive yourself for losing control. Once you have gone through the above steps, then dont think about this bad deed again. Dont keep beating yourself up about how bad you are - that only leads to a bad state of mind. These steps are to free your mind of guilt and fear. Be kind to your mind. It has taken you all of your years on this earth and even past lives to come up with these bad habits, so now its going to take a while to unlearn them.
Step 5) do ardas to satguru satnaam ji and become dedicated in doing seva and simran in those hours where you would have watched lustful movies. go to the Gurdwara do shoe seva, wash dishes, prepare langar, serve and do satnaam. Whilst cleaning the shoes, keep saying to God-Guru ji, make everyone into a Sant and make me the dust of their feet. Whilst washing the dishes, keep saying "guru ji please clean up the stains on my soul like we are cleaning the filth off these dishes."
God Bless You
Harjit
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