Satnaam Jee.
As you know every one's Bandgi is unique, everyone's destiny is unique, and so is yours, so the best way to follow is to earn the words of the Guru. Desiring for spiritual experiences is not something that you should target when you are doing Simran. Comparing with others is also not a good thing to be in your thoughts. As you said your Ardaas should be to become the Charan Dhool of the entire creation.
Never mind or think if you don't get any spiritual experiences, it doesn't really matter, the biggest and the most important spiritual experience is to be in peace. Visions and those kinds of experiences are just to teach you some things in a different way, the ultimate is the peace – complete peace. So never mind or even think of any such thing that you are reaching nowhere, everytime you say Satnaam you do go higher, there is no doubt about it, but without desiring for anything. Becoming desireless is the key to success, not even desiring to have Darshans of Akal Purakh, when you merge in peace and achieve complete peace God is forced to appear by itself.
So fighting with the situation around you doesn't help, it basically means going against Hukam. Not fighting with the situation is staying in Hukam, and staying in Hukam means no disturbances, and staying in peace. Therefore, complaining should be eliminated. Family things will continue its course, but when you stop fighting with the circumstances then the family things will automatically calm down.
When you go in to peace then obviously the things around you will go in to peace as well. That is the infinite divine power, so when realized brings peace to others sitting next to you as well. Counting your Simran and good deeds is not something that you should deliberate on, but as you have rightly pointed out the bad deeds and stay focused on them for not happening again is the key to peace.
Bhagti is very simple – complete surrender – earning the words of the Guru, and that is what exactly we did. Wether you can do the same is upto God and His Grace so please continue to pray for it.
But one thing is sure that you don't need to worry or even think about Jivan Mukti and continue to stay focused on Satnaam – especially when you see that the mind is going out of peace. You are bound to make it one day in this life, this is our divine promise to you.
Dassan Dass
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