re: question about sex

QUESTION:

 

--- In Kundaliniyoga@yahoogroups.com, "vansavages" <vansavages@...>
wrote:
>
> Sat nam,
>
> I have been trying to form a question to you all for many months now.
> I have heard it said that when you have a problem and you need help,
> the key to receiving the help you need is in asking the question in
> precisely the right way. Maybe I have formed my question and I am
> close to an answer now.
>
> I am a yoga instructor and I have a daily sadhana practice. I have
> been with my husband for 20 years and he has never had any kind of
> spiritual practice and he doesn't have one now, though he is
> supportive of me. Over the years, I have become more and more
> committed to my sadhana and my yoga practice and I see it as the most
> important thing in my life. The more I practice, the more strongly I
> feel this.
>
> I have heard that when someone in a household raises their vibration,
> the vibrations of the others living in the house will rise too,
> effortlessly. I don't see this happening with my husband and I feel
> the more I practice kundalini yoga, the farther away we get.
>
> Because he doesn't have a spiritual practice, he doesn't have an
> understanding or appreciation of the spiritual aspects of sex. I
> don't know if it is because of this, but I am not attracted to him at
> all and I don't know if I ever have been. In the past I have gone
> along and had sex with him because that is what make marriages work.
> But more and more, I feel that to keep having sex when I don't want to
> is to take a step backward on my spiritual path. We haven't had sex
> in months.
>
> This is a huge problem. Without sex, where is the marriage? We are
> both young, attractive people. Our relationship consists of parenting
> our children together. I want what everyone wants - a partner with
> whom I share a physical, emotional and spiritual connection. Do I
> wait and see if I will ever have this with my husband? Do I sacrifice
> what I want so we can keep our family
> together? How do I decide? Has anyone ever come across this problem?
>
> By the way, I am currently on day 13 of a 40-day sadhana with the So
> Darshan Chakra Kriya.
>
> I appreciate any thoughts or any help you all have. I feel so blessed
> to have this group to ask this important question to.
>
> Sat nam,
> Hanspreet Kaur
>

 

 

REPLY:

 

Satnaam Hanspreet ji,

 

in this case your greatest teacher is your husband!

 

He is so essential on your path to perfection.

 

Because of him, you can see all of your own weaknesses if you try.

 

See it as a blessing that you have a partner who forces you to see what you really are.

 

I have been through a similar thing, we get inspiration from the teachings and our teachers. And in

there presence we fly high.  But, to purify the mind, we need the slanderers and the detractors and

the ones we think are holding us back.  Why?  Because when they aggravate us, it shows us how

much anger we still have inside.  When they put us down and we get defensive, it shows how much

our ego got offended and hence how strong our ego still is.  When they want sex and we dont, it shows

how much we are still holding onto "grudges" or emotional baggage and resentments from the past.  When

we say "without sex where is the marriage" then we have not understood what sex and marraige are all about.

Behind sex and marriage is karma and only karma.  Every partnership short or long in this life is just payment of

debts and receiving our dues.  And that applies to how many times we do dont have sex, when and where we have sex

and with whom we have sex.  Its all karma.  Marriage and pieces of paper and ceremonies are the story that humans

have put on this.  To try and control people to build a civilised society.  But if marriage was true and everlasting as its done in a religious place, then why do people still get divorced?  Because karma overrules everything.  Everything else is just

a story we wrap karma up in.

 

The greatest thing happened to me when with Guru ji's grace I understood how important my wife was

on this path.  I wanted her to be interested like i was, but she wasn't, at times I would flare up and have arguments. 

Even contemplate a time when she wouldn't be around so I could be free to do as i please.

Now I realise she is just as important in refining my mind as is my spiritual teacher.

 

It helps me to remember Guru Nanak Ji's sweet words , "I am not good, no one is bad - Nanak has been ferried across

this way." (Hum nahee chunga, buraa nahee koee, pranvat nanak taray soi.)

 

When I accepted that absolutely no one is bad, then my mind had to stop blaming others for its discomfort.

Then when I accepted the root of all my discomfort was always from my five thieves, then I had to dig deep

and find what in me was actually getting aggravated and why.

 

We have to get to a point were we see our God-Guru in every heart, then we will see God-guru in our own heart.

We have to bow to that God-Guru in our teacher, in our sangat (saint society) and even in our work colleagues, our friends

and even in our perceived enemies, and even in our abusers or detractors.  Its all stages of the mind we have to get through.

 

Everyday thank God-Guru for what we have, rather than what we haven't got.

 

Everyday thank God-Guru for the people in our lives and focus on even one good thing about them, rather than the 99 bad things

that our mind enjoys dwelling on.

 

Everyday do good for them, our job is to do good to others, to be the kind of person towards them that we want them to be towards us.  Love can change even the stone hearted.  But becoming stone hearted yourself will only make things worse. give mind, body and wealth to God-Guru.   Think nothing for yourself, live a life of selfless service starting with the people that your kamra-circle has placed you in.   Baba Ji said to me that we have to beat the five thieves within the karma-circle of people around us.

 

God Bless You

 

Dust of Your feet

 

Harjit