Sister sent a message in which she had a severe asthma attack but then felt bad she didn't remember Satnaam but panicked instead. But had been saying to God I will die for you, I will remember you with my dying breath. Then felt really bad for letting baba ji down.
Gurpreeto :
Satnaam Satnaam Satnaam ji, just change your prayer from "I will remember you with my dying breath" to "by your blessings baba ji may I remember you always and even with my dying breath"
Just take I out of the equation. Or say "I, with your blessings only baba ji, am going to do this..."
You almost died, you are being very hard on yourself. If we were you we would be thinking God that he still gave us an inhaler and a breath and kept us alive, protected us, blessed us, cherished us, is always with us. We wouldn't be thinking we forgot his name and then feeling guilty and beating ourself up. The only thing to confess is your feelings of guilt which beat you up. Do you really think baba ji would say to you "you failed the test because you were scared of dying and didn't say Satnaam?" or would they just pick you up, hug you cherish you and unconditionally love you always no matter what you did?
You are doing great. Keep going. Saying Satnaam is just the start. You have so much love for Satnaam in your heart, and satguru ji knows it, that's why you have been given a place in his court and are seeing that. God sees your love and comes running to save you, without you even needing to say his name, that's how deep your love is.
Bhai manj Ji was a devoted sikh of the fifth guru. He was given very difficult seva, he left his family, he moved to Amritsar, he ate the left overs in Langar, he chopped wood and sold half for money other half gave to gurus house. After many years of just being treated harshly by guru ji, One day he fell into a well, and guru arjun dev ji was giving sangat elsewhere, but just got up and ran without even putting his shoes on into the forest to save bhai manj ji.
Satnaam Satnaam Satnaam ji that's how much satguru ji loves us, he gave you an inhaler, he gave you another breath, he cherished you while you were curled up, he loves you always, he even showed us and shared a vision with you that you are his golden child, so now learn to love your self as much as guru loves you. No need to beat yourself with guilt. The last Pope Paul, used to whip his own back every night to punish himself for bad thoughts he had. Having guilt is the same thing our ego is doing to us.
Some people have a lot of ego the guru gives them hard tests. Some people like most of the Sangat here have already had hard lives and been beaten up enough, so the guru gives us love and kindness and teaches us to live our true self. All our life other people controlled us, parents, preachers, teachers, spouse, bosses, society, sons etc whatever we did we were told off, we felt guilty. Then feeling guilty we want to feel better. So we do what the other person tells us to do so they will be nice to us and lie us again.
Now we are so well trained in guilt, we don't even need anyone else to tell us off. Ego automatically beats us up with guilt. Even if we do something right, ego looks for something wrong in it. Ego can't believe we can possibly do anything right and just be loveable and ok as we are.
So let guilt go. It's OK, you are OK. It's OK to make mistakes, you are still loved. Love yourself forgive yourself.
Sada Dandauth
Mere mat thoree Satnaam
My wisdom is little.
Sanu bax deho
Pls forgive u
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