Satnaam ji, dandauth ji
BEFORE GOING TO SLEEP WE SENT THIS:
Satnaam satnaam satnaam satnaam
Anything that is holding us back from total dedication to satnaam, let it go. Nothing compares to satnaam, sooner we truly believe that, the quicker we will be free from maya.
THEN LUST ATTACKED US:
Pilla maran kabool, jeevan kee sas aas, hoi sabna kee renka tao ao hamaray paas.
We are maha kami krodhi lobhi mohi hankaree full of trishna sanu bax deho.
Guru saves this lustful dog all the time.
Last night when trying to go to sleep started feeling lustful even though we have been doing simran most of the day and not thinking lustfully at all. Urge was getting stronger, we normlly give in, but thought of ravi ji resisting and being washed by amrit after in dream. We just observed the feeling, thought we mostly give in to it, but now havent we had enough of lustful feelings, why not let it go. Then it cooled down, and our mind thought of soemthing else. Then mind got back on topic of lust, thought go to other room with wife, but that would be our desire then, so no. Then hands wanted to play with ourself, ,but stopped. Then we just did simran went to sleep. Then after an hour or so we half woke up feeling lustful, and normally would have given in as not very alert. But looked at the clock and it was 22:22...tu tu tu tu! So we laughed and thanked baba ji and kept reciting tu tu tu tu tu tu tu...and imagined maya hownwe saw her black shadowy witch fornm a few weeks ago and a diamond sword like amit ji has and for the first time we just chopped her nose, her ears, her hole body into pieces sat sat sat sat sat sat sat sat and kept doing so until we fell asleep. Before we would havr justfied masturbating saying its ok , just fantasise on wife. But this time we wanted to beat it, like when amit ji's wife was lustful but he saw dark maya and started beating maya and she screamed "but with your wife is ok". Ourbwife is in other room but still temptation is there to justify it. Sonwiyh gurus kirpa we won maya as lust in waking state, then in half asleep state, then We fell asleep and in the dream we were in the toilet trying to masturbate and our wife opened the door and we tried to hide (ego embarrased) what we are doing and started shouting (krodh) to get out. Then next scene dhan dhan sat pritam anand ji came and we were not lustful anymore, then they and maharaj baba ji played soccer with us and helped us to score the winning goal...beat lust in dream state (subconscious too). (like the story of bhai joga ji when he got tempted to go to the prostitutes house but guru gobind singh himself came disguised as a guard to stop him....guru ma tera joga, joga ma tera guru. Last year baba ji maharaj said to us..tu athay da joga bhee hanee na othay da jogaa bhee nahee...meaning you dont belong in world of maya but you dont belong in gods court either. So i need to finish bhagti. Baba ji maharaj withbyour kirpa we can say preeto tera joga, preeto sirf tera joga ji).
Last few weeks we have realised how much shit of ego and thieves we are covered with, evem doing seva of gian etc we never relasied how much filthbwe are covered with until we got focused 100% on doing simran again. We wash everyones feet reading messages and it feels like a layer of false pride washes off, now we see how we havr justified masturbating before, but that too was still losing to kaam.
We are a real shit, full of the scum of maya and five thieves and desires, we fully accept all our misdeeds, may satguru ji forgive us, may we stay with our matha in the feet of the sangat so a sinner like me can be ferried across.
Gursikha kee har dhoor deh hum papee bhee gat paai.
Dandauth to all.
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