I am feeling negative

QN: I am feeling negative, not motivated by the charity projects I used to love and didn't feel much from

attending the sangat - was an anti-climax.  Plus the image of in my meditation is bewildering me -

is it a trick of the mind or real, or what does it mean.

 

REPLY:

 
Its difficult - dealing with the mind is the most difficult. Everyone wants peace of mind, but not everyone wants to pay
the price.   What's the price, surrendering our wants and just doing what God wants.  It's as simple (and as hard) as that.
 
Its a journey.  See your mind as wild horse which has been running all over the place for all of our life.  Now you
are perhaps not liking where it has lead to, hence are becoming aware of its wild nature (negative thoughts, false hopes,
sadness, sorrow, even exictement of chasing desires, living the dream etc).     That's a start, a great start, to
be able to look within and put into words how you really feel - negative , bewildered etc. 
 
Noticing/observing what your mind is doing is a great first step, doing that and not reacting by not putting a judgement on it is the first step in trying to break the wild horse in.
 
Forget about the vision you had in meditation.  Its all just tricks of the mind, it maybe true, it may not, either way it doesnt help
you get to peace of mind as you have said it is bewildering you.  Better to say to the mind, yes that's a very nice image, thankyou, I let it go, and come back to remembering God's name in your mind.    Mind plays all kinds of tricks, all you ahve to learn is to bring it bak to its centre, back to peace.
 
Always listen to your feelings, we used to run around alot doing things for Gurdwara etc.  But in the end its just a story for you to meet people and have interactions and repay/receive what karma you have with them. When the karam finishes then your motivation for those things finish as well.  Maybe its time to move on for you, let others carry on, but you personally have done enough of that seva, need to move onto breaking in the wild horse now?   Dassan Dass ji always tells us that we now need to do SatNaam Simran, that is the highest Seva  - seva of God Himself.  But still do good deeds, have an atitude of giving in everything you do - wether at work, home, friends, family circles etc. 
 
Even coming into simran or sangat, dont come with expectation, then there is no anti-climax.  Come only with an atittude of a beggar and a a giver, come and serve, come and share some food, come and dust the shoes, come with no expectation, sit at Gods feet and if HE gives you something, then Thankyou, and if HE doesnt, then thankyou as HE knows we were not ready for it yet.  But either way we are ahhpy with what HE wants for us, not demanding what I WANT.   Then the mind stays in peace, when the mind is pure, then PURE can come to it. 
 
So its a process, it takes time to change habits and our maya way of thinking, to change our maya lifestyle and come into a spiritual lifestyle.  So keep doing ardas like a beggar at God's door,
 
jachak jan mangay ek daan
kar kirpa devo har naam
...this beggar begs for one gift
be merciful and give us your Naam.

..full shabad is here, its got everything in it.  Personally I do this ardas everyday, its got everything in it.
Remember that God keep Bhagti in His own hand and gives it to whoever HE wants to.
So if we feel we are drifting far from HIM, then we can only beg Him to give us this gift and not to forget about us.
So that is why its so important to start doing ardas for the gift of naam, seva and bhagti.
 
http://www.sikhitothemax.com/page.asp?ShabadID=1043
 
 
Also, we have put a meditation course online, you can download it and go through it in a nice quite space.  We
ran it for people at our home a couple of years ago and its very peaceful.  There are some talks before and after the
meditation, as well if you want.  Once you learn to relax , you will find it easier to progress into doing Simran and

start enjoying coming to Sangat as well and to ask for blessings from Dassan Dass ji.
 
Let us know how it goes, and God bless you on the next chapter of your spiritual life.
 
Feel free to ask/share anything else.
 
Dust of your feet
 
Harjit