Cleaning Up

SatNaam Ji,
Dandauth Bandhna,

 

just sharing - may help others:

 

 

QN: ...am feeling lots of guilt and fear and sleepless nights due to seeing all the past bad deeds I have committed...

 

REPLY:

 
you are going through a very important stage which Dassan Dass ji calls cleaning up your past.  It can take days, months or even years depending on how much stuff there is and how deep seated it is.
 
We sent an article recently which may help you - http://hslakhan.blogspot.com/2010/04/have-you-swallowed-and-digested-some.html  .  There's a link on there to Dassan Dass ji's article, as well as to the Big Book from alcoholics Anonymous - which also give people a way to deal with their past issues, which is very similar to what Dassan Dass/Baba ji say as well.
 
It is very simple ji, we are a pure soul, but we absorbed ourself in the thick scum of maya due to our bad thoughts, bad deeds and negative emotions like guilt, fear, jealousy, slander and so on.  We have spent the whole of this lifetime so far blackening ourself in this way, not to count how many lifetimes in the past we have done the same.  But most people are not bothered by it, they never look within, too busy rushing aroundin maya chasing their desires.  So if you are able to look within, then as painful as it is, it is actually the Grace of God-Guru upon you that allows you to do this.  To really be honest with yourself as to what you are, what you have done and what you then need to do to clean up.
 
Baba ji says we have to become naked on this path.  That means we have to be the same on the inside as on the outside.  That we can no longer hide anything under the dark cover of ego, we must confess it.  We must admit our mistakes, we must confess it to God-Guru, or even better confess it in the sangat (as you will see that people send confessions on the satnaam group ).   This is really humbling, to admit in front of everyone all of our misdeeds.  No one judges us.  But our ego gets deflated, it stops trying to look good on the outside whilst we know what we really are on the inside.   And anyway, who are we fooling by keeping secrets?  They only burden us as you are currently feeling.  Our past misdeeds only weigh us down and dont let us go forward.  Ego doesnt want us to tell anyone or confess it, so we are trapped.    So Baba ji has given us the beautiful way out, to confess our misdeeds to God and then even better, to completely deflate ego, confess in the sangat.
 
By confessing we release the weight.  God knows our innermost secrets anyway, but HE DOESNT INTERFERE.  But when we confess it, apologise and try and to make ammends (say sorry to the ones we have hurt, touch their feet, reapy them etc) then we can move on.  When we ask for forgivness we are forgiven right away, God is happy that we have finally realised HE IS SITTING WITHIN US ALL THE TIME and we have stopped fooling around, pretending he wasnt there. 
 
After accepting we have done wrong, confessing it, askinginf for forgiveness and trying to make ammends as best as we can, we then need to sit and do satnaam simran - to now focus on God-Guru ji's beautiful feet, to focus on the lovelight of our own soul, to become a flower in the sunshine of our mind.   By doing so we take our mind off the misdeeds (where your mind is currently stuck) and we start remembering (simran) our true identity - our soul - God within us.
 
e man tu jyot saroop ha apanaaa mool pehchaan
o my mind you are the essence of light, recognise your source...guru amar das ji.
 
 
And each time you remember Gods Name, Satnaam, countless millions of sins/misdeeds/bad thoughts are wiped clean.   The Naam the Guru gives us is that powerful that i transformed Sajjan tug the murderer into a Sant.
 
balharee gur apanaay deoharee sad var
jin manas te devtay keeo karat na lagee var
i am a sacrifice to my guru, a hundred times a day
for he transforms humans into angels in no time at all....guru nanak dev ji.
 
 
And the Gurbani tells us to go into the sangat of the Guru and sing Gods praises
sant janaa mil har jas gaaio
kot janam ke dukh gavaaio
...meet the Sant and sing God's praises
countless lifetimes suffering is erased.
 
We are all sinners, we have all fallen from Grace that is why we are sitting in maya, in the darkness of our mind and sins/mistakes.
But the Guru is kind and shows us how to clean up
 
Waho waho sachay ma teree tek
hau papee tu nirmal ek
wondrous wondrous True One, I seek your shelter
for I am a sinner
and you are the Perfect One....Guru Nanak Dev Ji.
 
Baba ji said to us, to everyday confess our sins, start by saying "I am a sinner because ...."
 
And Dassan Dass ji asked us to keep doing this ardas all day long, every five minutes
 
"I am full of anger, greed, lust, attachment, greed , pride and desires,
please forgive me."
 
When we are forgiven by God we are given a clean state , lke everyday the sun comes out and holds no grudges against us
for what we did the day before.  Every morning we wake up, put our yesterdays behind us, and try to be a beautiful flower in the sunshine.  Everyday we get another chance of being alive and doing truthful deeds and remembering the naam of Truth - SatNaam.

God doesnt hold grudes against us, only our own mind wants to keep punishing us for its past mistakes.  God-Guru forgives, but our mind thinks we need to be suffering , to be in pain of fear and guilt, to show we are repenting.  That's a trick of the mind.  Once you are forgiven, let it go, accept everything that happened in the past had to happen that way - was the HUKAM.  Mistakes were made, we are sorry, we learn from them, we wont make those mistakes again, we move on  - but we DONT HOLD ONTO FEAR AND GUILT AND SELF SUFFERING as that is the road to destruction.   Its only negative ego that makes you thnik you need to suffer for longer, its only positvie ego that previously made you think whatever you did was justified and you were right.  Both ways you are under the control of ego.  Confessing makes us humble, that deflates the ego.
 
 
There is however always some karma to repay as we have generated so much, so that is why everyday we need to be doing at least 2.5hrs of simran (build up to it) and lots of truthful deeds.   We need to be doing ardas for forgiveness every day and having an inner shower inthe divine sunshine to clean up.  Otherwise the karmic filth just keeps on accumulating.  And depending on how bad our past karma is dpends on what we get now - mental sickness, physical sickness, emotional turmoil, family problems, financial issues and so on , is all due to past karma, which all has to be repaid.  But with the Eternal Blessings of Naam, with the kindness of Satguru our karma is reduced, our mindis freed and we even see our dukh (suffering) as suck (peace) beacuase in our dukh we remember God as ego deflates.
 
So its all good, its all a process of spiritual cleansing you are going through, god is not punishing you, your own negative ego is punishing you - you are doing it to yourself.  You can free yoursefl by forgiving yourself as well and giving yourself permission to let go of the past misdeeds you did.
 
Hope that anwers your questiosn, keep emailing us, if you want to release your past deeds and confess , you are more than welcome to send us private email or even better send to the sangat satnaam group, it will help you to be free.  We can help you work through it, hold your hand and pray for you, just as Baba ji has done for us.
 
Dust of your feet
Harjit