web of maya - relationships

Sat Naam Veer Ji,
Dandauth Bandhna Ji,
 
thankyou for sharing your situation with us.
You are not really asking for any advice from us, nor is it good to give anyone any advice as we dont know anyone's full story.  And really the true advice will come to you from you inner eternal guru sitting in your own heart, with who you are already in tune with at times as you have written below.
All we can do really is ask you how you feel about it all and guide you through your own feelings to find peace and acceptance of the situation.
From what you have said you feel you have a future with this lady, that there was a plan of what to do with the children, but now the lady's feeling for her children and situation have changed and you are feeling distressed by this 180 degree turn of events.
 
Forget about what other people, even Maha Purakhs are telling you, we have been through similar things in our own life.  Our parents used to go to Maha Purakhs to get them to say that I would get married etc etc.  They say nice things, but never happened that way for a long time.  Even Dassan Dass Ji says we have to look inside our own heart for the inner Hukam for us, and the outer Guru is ther if we cant get any clarity because our mind is all over the place and we cant distinguish between our wants and desires, hopes and fears and the tiny whisper of Hukam remains unheard.
 
Its very simple really, ask Guru ji to please help  us understand this situation we are in.  And the first thing that strikes us that it is complicated, like a web of hopes and feelings of many people all pulling our mind  in different directions.  So that is the definition of Maya - JanJaal - web of complexity.   So know you know this whole situation is maya overpowering your mind.
 
So analyze it further,  Maya is able to catch us in its web when we have a desire.  Maya is a sweet poison and we keep willingly drinking it and find ourself entangled in its web.  What is your desire - your sweet poison - obviously to be with this person.  But love is not bad, love is the springboard to attaining God, so how has love for this lady turned into moh maya - web of attachment for the fly of your mind?
 
Because your love has become conditional.  What started as love and compassion and two hearts helping and caring about each other has now had wordly demands put upon it.  What are those conditions - to get married, to live together, to have a family, to give up her current children and whatever else that you are thinking and hoping for.
 
Then ask yourself, why does my mind want to put all these conditions on what started as love and has become moh maya?  Delve deeper within your own mind to find the Truth.  And you will find that wherever there is Moh - attachment there is the fear of losing that thing/person.  So your mind has put on all these demands on this relationship, with the endorsement of "Maha Purakhs", because it is actually scared of losing this person.  Why is it scared?  Because of al the time & money and emotions you have invested - you dont want that be have been in vain.  Because that would mean you are back to square one - alone, unmarried, nothing to look forward to, feeling your life is stuck, having to listen to parents moaning for you not getting married, feeling low and so on (anyway thats how i used to feel, so guessing you may be feeling the same fear).
 
If that is not your fear, then look deep within and find out what you are really scared about?  At the very minimum you are scared she will go back to a life without you in it.  To avoid that you are doing all kinds of things, knowingly or unknowingly, to control the situation to make it happen as you want - and think that she wants, but lets not go to what she wants and why she is in this relationship - only she knows - she also felt love for you, thought you'd be a good father with the kids, didnt bank on losing the kids, didnt realise how much moh she has for them until they're nearly gone (natural super strong motherly instinct, plus the natural instinct to protect them from harm).
 
So trying to control the situation, to keep this person locked into a life with you (and you had hoped she felt the same, so didnt feel like it was controlling, but it was), has made you realise that actually it is not in my control.  When ego finds it cant control things, it leads to denial, shock, frustration and then anger and bitterness, perhaps even revenge and voilence and mental illness - serious depression for some people if it happens too many times and for too long.  Not saying that is happening to you, but you can look inside and see if any of that matches with your situation.  
 
The root cause is desire , then control, losing control leading to frustration at not being able to get what you wanted.  This is called fighting with the Hukam - God's Laws.   And what is God's Law - the Law of Karma.  you are forgetting the Law of Karma overrules everything, absolutely everything.   You are forgetting that your soul and her soul have been on a very long journey.   You are forgetting that every attraction we have in this world is because we have past karma with that person.  We have things to repay them and vice versa.   Just because we have stron attraction to them only means we have some time to spend with them to give and take our dues.  It doesnt always mean we will marry them and be with them for the rest of this life.  That is when mind logic takes over with hopes and desires leading to unfulfilled dreams.    When we understand Law Of Karma is running your relationship, then it is good if we can accept that we were destined to meet, we were destined to spend a certain amount of time together and we are destined to separate again at some time - according to our KARMA, not according to our hopes and wishes or what other people hope wish or say.
 
All we can say Veer ji, is that it all realtionships are difficult in this world, and Baba Nanak Ji says that Maya destroys all reatlionships in the end - father and son, husband and wife all get ruined because of Maya's web.
 
The Sant is the one who teaches us to stop generating bad karma by getting out of desires, by accepting what we get and what we dont get as part of Karma also and not to put any conditions, hopes or desires on it. To love your finacee unconditionally, to be as patient as a mountain, to be there for her in her hard times, to not think of your own unfullied hopes, to accept the changing circumstances as all part of Karma.  To become a loving heart, a thankful heart.  to understand the pain she is going through by losing her children.  To be there if she needs you, to be just as happy if she doesnt need you.
 
It is actually when things go wrong in a realtionship that you find out each others true colours, when you are under pressure and struggling, then you see the nasty side of both parties.  And if you can get through that together, then there is some hope, otherwise it was all superficial - just being nice to each other with the hidden motive to be together to avoid our fears.  Its all selfish - we put condtions on love because we are the most selfish.  Baba Nanak ji says that when someone dies, people cry, but actually it is only MOH that cries.  MOH cries for what is has lost - a warm bed, an income, a secure life and so on. But the soul goes on forever but we forget that.
 
We have tried to share whatever we have expereinced in order to help you, please take whatever is useful,
 
God Bless You and your loved ones,
God bless you to understand your Karma and to accept the hukam

dust of your feet
 
Harjit