I have not done any simran for the last 2 months at all I don't know I feel bitter, discouraged and fed up generally and I know you must hear this all the time but I really don't have anyone else to talk to. I feel like I need to talk to you for some sort of encouragement I don't know just something to get back on the right road. I am so sorry to keep bothering you about these things but I really need some help.....I don't want to keep doing simran well for a few months then leaving it again. I am just not consistent...please paji can you please help me.. I feel my ego has come back with all other things anger etc..
Thank you sooo much
A: SatNaam Ji Penji,
I cant forget you! You are our sister. In the beginning (first few years even!) its very difficult to change our old habits. It just shows us how strong our ego has become. Its the same for all of us, we all start off in the mud of maya, Dassan Dass ji says most people are covered in 40 foot maya scum. So imagine your soul, which is as pure and as immaculate as God Himself, like a priceless diamond, but all of its beauty and light is smothered in a well full of mud, filth and junk. Because we have spent all this life throwing in junk into our mind: thinking bad of others, doing bad deeds, chasing desires, being a slave of the five thieves, slander, gossiping and all the other negative qualities. So there is a huge task ahead of us to clean ourself up. And it is always easier to give up after a few days or months of trying, because it seems no matter how much simran and sangat we do, we still are full of filth.
So just imagine if you were in a garden, you had a spade and the job of cleaning out the deep, dark, smelly well that you have avoided cleaning for your whole life. But, on the bright side you know that when you finish cleaning it you will find a beautiful diamond - like no other - pricless and radiant, bright and beautiful. Would you give up trying to clean up the well? Yes you may be enthusisatic at first, you may then get tired, you may then get distracted by your friends and family and hobbies and whatever else you run after in the garden of your mind. You may feel like giving up, you may feel its not worth it anymore. But, no matter what wordly pursuits your ego distracts you with, you will always know in the back of your mind that there is a well full of scum of the maya which you need to clean up to find the priceless diamond. And everyday you dont dig with that spade of simran, is one day less you have to complete the job before you die.
And remember, to clean it up by yourself especially in the beginning seems like an impossible task so that it why its easier just to go back to our old habits. The task seems like it needs a huge amount of extra time and effort and that really demotivates you as it seems like A LOT OF HARD WORK. But, just look at the taks differently. Think of it as fun, think of how good you are going to feel doiing your simran, think how happy and fresh you will feel afterwards like your problems have all gone away and you are as free as abird in the big, blue sky again. And also think even more positively about doing your simran by just remembering you have your true friends to help you. Just like this email is giving you sangat, giving you the motivation to carry on digging by doing your simran in a happy and fun way.
Remember we are a slave of our habits, we cant get out of being creatures of habit, but what we can do is change our bad haibts for good ones. Now don't get down about chaning your habits, don't start thinking that its too hard to change habits so you wont even bother trying. Once again think positively to motivate yourself. Don't try and change everything about yourself all at once. Just try and change one habit at a time. Just do the easy thing first. For example, just give up 30 minutes of TV everyday and replace it with doing 30 min of Simran without fail every morning, or if you miss the morning do it at lunchtime or do it in the evening. But pray to God-Guru for strength and make the promise you will do it NO MATTER WHAT happens. And be that determined, like an athlete training for the olympics who is deterimined to train every single day rain or shine.
Then move onto another habit, to give up bad company - the company of those things or people that cause you to miss doing your Simran. Those things can be watching TV, or reading too many books , or family committments and so on. And change that habit with going to the Gurdwara and doing seva and listening to kirtan. Wiping the shoes of the sangat, washing their dishes, talking , preparing and cooking food for them. Once again don't see going to the Gurdwara or going into Sangt of Sants as boring or that you don't understand, just see it as a chance to meet really blessed souls, to make some new true friends who will help you through.
Then move onto another habit of giving up attachment to our mind, body and wealth. Instead of greedily trying to accumulate worldy stuff and then holding on to it even though we dont use those things. If you have never given anything, then you should easily be able to give away 30% of all your belongings to charity - clothes, books, jewellery and whatever else you are holding onto. Even those sentimental things from past relationships, or past memories - throw them all out - we cant stay in the past any more. And on a daily basis get in the habit of giving, giving , giving. From the most basic of things, like if you're about to eat a packet of crips , firstly offer it to someone else. If you are about to make a cup of tea, first ask others if they would like a cup of tea. If you are about to cook, first cook for others and eat afterwards. At work be thankful for this job that God has given you and do your work like you are doing seva at the Gurdwara, do it without expecting rewards, do it for the love of your guru, do it to the best of your ability. Dont say no to your boss, do whatever work they give you without complaint and with lov ein your heart. By doing this you change your selfish attitude of "who are they to tell me what to do" to that of a humble slave of God - which is called a Banda in Gurbani, and Guru Arjun Dev Ji says,
kir bMdy qU bMdgI ijcru Gt mih swhu ]3]
kar ba(n)dhae thoo ba(n)dhagee jichar ghatt mehi saahu ||3||
O slave (banda), do your devotional worship (divine slavery), as long as there is breath in your body. ||3||
[Actually, the whole shabad is a beautiful Ardas for you to start doing everyday, read it here http://www.sikhitothemax.com/page.asp?ShabadID=2772 ]
Remember, digging your way out of the well of 40 foot scum of maya is not possible without the spade of Naam, and that we receive the Naam through the Eternal Blessings of the Guru. And then being able to change our habits from bad sangat to good sangat, from thinking about worldy stuff to doing Naam Simran instead is also an Eternal Blessing that we receive from the Guru. All God asks from us is to admit we are full of the filth of Maya by praying from the depths of our heart "Dear SatGuru ji please hold me by the arm and pull me out this deep dark well I am in. I promise from now on I give you my head, my body , my name, my hopes, my ambitions, my family attachments - I give up everything, just please save me and give me your Naam, Sat Naam, Sat Naam always and forever Sat Naam."
Once again don't think its too hard to pray like, just think about it, it doesn't cost you anything to say a humble prayer from your heart with hands together and head bowed low. It all starts from within you and your heartfelt prayer. When you do that humble prayer (gareebee ardas) and really mean it, then Dassan Dass ji or Baba Ji, can give you the Gurparsaadi Naam and the final part of the journey of your soul will commence. And the inner pilgrimage is an amazing, wonderful process of awakening to the Truth. One that makes you feel truly alive and forever free.
So start digging!
dust of your feet
Harjit
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